"Scripters – Creatures of the Dark"

A problem is roaming the offices and nations.  Worse than any addiction you’ve ever heard of.

It Professionals, Infrastructure Architects, heck even field technicians crossing that dark line.

Crossing the oh so finely drawn line between ITPro and Developer.  A line that should never be crossed.  Some things were never meant to be.

We see them, sometimes alone, sometimes in pairs.  Huddled together tapping away.

"Scripters"

And it always starts out simply.  The most distasteful of all tastes for every ITPro.  A "Logon Script".  YUCK!  That’s why it happens at Logon.  Because we don’t even want to SEE it more than once!

But for some people, well that’s once too often.

They start out with some mapped drives, a time sync here and there, perhaps dropping a standard Home drive into the list.

Then they get into other commands, deploying software from that login script.  And then the claws of the beast sink into your flesh.  You’re hooked.

But you don’t realize it.  "It’s only Cmd.exe ! It’s just a batch file!" You say to yourself.  That horrid lie you make up.  That foul web you weave.

That’s all fine until one day somebody comes up to you and asks if you could start emailing those Logs from NTBACKUP.EXE.  Then a little vbscript get’s in the mix.  Just a little.

Just enough to work it’s way into your system, dragging you further down into the darkness.

It still FEELS like you’re not scripting because there are still popup Windows.  But no, you’re only kidding yourself.  You’re "scripting".  You sicko.

Soon, before you know it you’ll have a whole library of scripts, running about like little trolls doing your work for you.  You’ll actually stop for a bit.

And you might end up ok.  Unless you’re one of "THEM".  Those that start into the "Blue Daemon", "The Box of Entrapment", "Snover’s Snare" some call it.

And there is no way to stop once they start into….*eek*… Powershell.

Creatures wrapped so deeply in the darkness it’s too late for their souls!  Working DIRECTLY with …*ack*… DOT NET and learning and speaking METHODS and PROPERTIES!  ITPROS AREN’T MEANT TO USE METHODS!

They’re the worst of the lot.  "Shelling" they call it.  Their eyes glazed over with a deep BLUE haze, muttering incantations. "Get-Item | export-csv chants.csv"

What a horrid lot!

"Shelling" is about as dark as they get.  No longer ITPros, but not Devs either, just some horrid mix in between.  As the script twists and misshapes them.

No longer able to speak clear English.  Their sentence structure broken into simple Verb-Noun structure when communicating.  You can always spot a person who has been "Shelling"

"Hey Bob? You want a coffee?"

"GET-DOUBLEDOUBLE"

— Shelling, definitely shelling

"Hey Susie, we’re going to the movies.  Want to come along?"

"GET-MOVIE | WHERE { $-.Review -like "*excellent*" } | write-console ‘Yes.’ "

— That’s a sign of a person who has been hard core shelling.

Can they be stopped?  Is there any hope for them?

Unfortunately, no.  Once you "Shell", that’s all you ever do, that’s all you ever want to do.

So stay safe.  Hold onto that crimping tool and Fluke meter for dear life.  Clutch them like a Teddy Bear.

And when YOU’RE asked to compose a Logon Script, JUST USE GPO!

…My name is Sean, and I’m Shelling

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