Dread fills the air. It is a year of rarities and scarities.
For this year we have not one but TWO Friday the 13th’s in a row.
Yup. One in February and One in March.
I can already see bunny rabbits running off to hide their own feet!
And what wise acre planned out to have both of these just before two really signifigant days. One, the Ides of March (Nuts and I was going to consider that job as a Roman Emperor too!) And the other Valentines day.
Now talk about a way to screw you up for Valentines day!
We guys have a hard enough time remembering to get up in the morning and stagger out the door. Remembering to NOT FORGET February 14th is difficult enough as it is.
But WHY stick a Friday 13th in the equation?!?
I am certain there is some Omnipresent being up just rolling about laughing at the sudden panic THIS has presented! The questions running through guys’ minds!
"Wasn’t she allergic to that?"
"Will that explode when heated?"
"I hope that wasn’t ‘Whizzo Chocolates’ I bought her."
"She did like fishing right?"
"What is so important about tomorrow…. Tomorrow…. Birthday…No….Anniversary….No…."
"I wonder if I SHOULDN’T have bought the Cubic Zirconium necklace instead of the Gold one…"
"What was her name anyhow?"
"I wonder how much it would cost to engrave ‘Happy Valentine’s Day" on a Bowling Ball?"
"Did I send the card to my wife and the Negligee to my Mother-In-Law or vice versa"?
All because of February the 13th. But of course, just on the off-chance you got through relatively un-scathed and REMEMBERED to make the effort on Friday the 13th, and your credit card didn’t catch fire AND the Delgrakian Delegation from Planet Plurgh didn’t come by and scoop you away.
You’ve still got ANOTHER problem.
Was it the right thing for your spouse? Will they like it? Was it the right colour? Will it cause them to break out in purple blotches in the shape of Colin Farrell?
You don’t want to hear any of these statements.
"You know after 10 years I can’t wear this COLOUR!"
"Why is this edible underwear addressed to my sister?l
"It burns my ears! Aighagh!"
"I asked for a ‘car’ not ‘carpet’"
"Who’s Sally and why am I wearing her clothes?!"
But mistakes do and will happen. Friday the 13th is just a day like any other. And Valentine’s day is a day about thought more than substance.
So it’s Friday the 13th. So what.
Sit down, relax, let the goofy screwy things happen. There’s not a thing you can do to control it enjoy the ride.
Just make sure on February 14th to drop the greasy wrench, turn off your cellphone, tell the boss to go screw himself, send the kids off to a movie, lock the dog in the basement, pull the phone out of the wall, cancel that business flight, forget poker night, turn to your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, signifigant other, favourite StarTrek character or WHOMEVER this day should be about..
Give them a big smooch and say
"Uhhhh what did I do? I’m sorry. Happy Hannuk… 4th of… Anni.."
"Oh yeah! Happy Valentines Day."
And proudly hand that pack of car air fresheners over.